Date Night is Overrated

By Vineeta Chopra

If I had a dollar for every couple who told me, “We just need more date nights” — I could probably fund a lot of overpriced dinners in Manhattan. Don’t get me wrong: a night out together is lovely. But if your relationship is running on fumes, no amount of cocktails or movie nights is going to magically revive it.

Here’s the truth: connection isn’t built in two hours on a Friday night — it’s built in the hundreds of tiny moments in between every day of the week. It has to be done consciously and conscientiously.

Why Date Night Gets Too Much Credit

The idea behind date night is solid — step away from kids, chores, and the eternal to-do list, and remember you actually like each other. But somewhere along the way, “date night” became the gold standard of intimacy. That puts a lot of pressure on one evening. Suddenly you’re supposed to be relaxed, romantic, hilarious, and probably have sex at the end.

It’s exhausting. And honestly? Sometimes it feels like performance intimacy.

What Actually Builds Connection

Strong couples don’t just connect during big gestures — they weave intimacy into the everyday. Here are some of the underrated things that make a relationship thrive:

• The five-second pause. Instead of rushing past your partner’s story because you’re already thinking about emails, take a beat, make eye contact, and actually listen. That five seconds matters more than the fancy dinner.

• Daily scheduled check-ins. Whether it’s in the morning with your cups of coffee, at the dinner table, or at bedtime, make sure to check in on each other’s highlights and lowlights of the day. Know what’s going on in each other’s lives.

• Touch without agenda. A hand squeeze while crossing the street. A hug in the kitchen. A nonsexual back massage at the end of the night. Not everything has to be foreplay — physical touch also fosters connection.

• Repair after conflict. Spoiler: you will fight. But intimacy deepens not because you never argue, but because you know how to come back together after.

Redefining Romance

Your partner doesn’t need a Michelin-star evening. They need presence. They need moments where they feel chosen — in the middle of an ordinary Tuesday, and not an elaborately planned evening just because it looks good on Instagram.

So by all means, keep your date nights if you enjoy them. But know that the real love story is written in the small, daily chapters. The text that says “Thinking of you.” The laughter while brushing your teeth. The quiet, comfortable silence on the couch at the end of a long day.

Because in the end, intimacy isn’t built in grand gestures — it’s built in the ordinary moments.

Ready to take the next step to reset your relationship? Contact me about Couples Therapy today.