How to Reignite Intimacy in Your Relationship

By Vineeta Chopra

When couples first move in together, there’s often excitement, passion, and lots of physical closeness. But over time, between work, kids, chores, and stress, many couples find themselves living like roommates—connected in routine, but distant in sexual and physical intimacy.

This is one of the most common questions couples ask: “Is it normal that we stopped having sex after a baby?” or “Why don’t we touch or feel close like we used to?” The answer is that it’s “normal”—but it doesn’t have to stay that way.

Why Physical Intimacy Fades

Several factors contribute to the decline of sexual connection over time:

• Prioritizing tasks over connection – Busy schedules, parenting, and daily responsibilities often push intimacy down the list.

• Fatigue and stress – Tiredness reduces sexual desire and makes physical closeness feel like a burden.

• Emotional distance – Frequent arguments or unresolved tension can reduce desire for touch and sex.

• Screens and distractions – Phones, TV, and devices interfere with flirting, touch, and spontaneous connection.

• Lack of attunement – When partners are not able to emotionally connect with each other’s inner world.

• Pressure around sex – When physical intimacy feels like a chore or a way to “fix” the relationship, it creates stress instead of closeness.

Practical Ways to Reignite Physical Intimacy

Restoring closeness doesn’t require grand gestures—small, consistent actions make the biggest difference:

1. Prioritize touch throughout the day – Hugs, kisses, holding hands, or a gentle touch on the arm create moments of connection beyond sexual activity.

2. Create pressure-free moments – Make intimacy about enjoyment and pleasure, not performance or checking a box. Even brief cuddling or massages matter.

3. Schedule intentional time together – Even 15-30 minutes in the evening to check in emotionally and physically can help. Intentionality matters.

4. Reduce distractions – Put phones aside during shared time to focus on each other.

5. Talk openly about desire – Honest, gentle conversations about what feels good, what’s missing, or new ways to connect can prevent assumptions and frustration.

6. Reconnect emotionally first – Physical intimacy flows more naturally when emotional connection is strong. Small gestures of appreciation, humor, and listening build safety and desire.

A Final Thought

Loss of sexual or physical intimacy is incredibly common, and it doesn’t mean your relationship is failing. Like emotional closeness, physical intimacy is something couples need to nurture intentionally. By noticing patterns, reducing pressure, and creating opportunities for connection—both playful and sensual—you can restore closeness and desire.

To explore how to improve your intimacy in couples therapy, reach out to me to schedule an initial consultation.